I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Who did Billy Mays play for?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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