Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
