She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
