he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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