I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
