dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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