I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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