Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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