I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
