the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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