lets start a swedish sibling band together
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Boobs are out for the taking
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
