So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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