i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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