You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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