I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
