loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He is an equal opportunity slut.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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