Screwed.edu
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
