you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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