You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
We smell like vodka and hangover
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