What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
