New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
