CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you traded sex for a burrito?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
