I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
