It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
