highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
