I am puke
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
