I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
