And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
