After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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