Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
