I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
