so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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