i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
