I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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