Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
