My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
