so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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