i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
