i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize