all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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