I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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