I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize