I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
