It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
