I puked a lego.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My feet surprised me
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