Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
