Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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