In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
