there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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