great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
