He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
