I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
