best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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