ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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