so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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