Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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