one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
