just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
