walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
