Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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