why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
