call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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