I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
