what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
