OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just threw up on my dentist
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
