Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
