I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
