420 ftw
I think my fart just growled at me.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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