just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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