And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
